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Yet another unapproved love affair...

Is she her whom I think she is?

Is she her for whom my eyes were in desperation for decades?

Maybe, after all these years, I believe, my heart is going to pump blood to my brain with such zeal and excitement that those of my entangled webs from the past may get freed and opened up…

But, should I proceed… Should I move those trembling feet and carry my desperate body towards her?

Hasn’t a lot of time passed, hasn’t it been 36 long years, 36 long years and somewhat 1 month since we had tears in our eyes when we had to, we had to say goodbye. A goodbye neither of us wished for, a goodbye we never wanted, a goodbye which had nothing good in it.

It was maybe her fault, maybe if she were as fearless as me, instead of her and me distance apart, it would’ve been us, she wouldn’t be sitting here alone, and neither would I have lost that trust of mine in love. The trust which I gained with her hands in mine, with my eyes locked in hers and our hearts’ rhythms synced to each other’s, that heart which proclaimed, “this is love, this is true love, she is the girl, she is the one”.

All these years, my mind made me realise and re-realise, even though, I may or may not be the testified one by her heart, but my heart couldn’t, and didn’t show a single sign of amending its proclamation, its proclamation of her being the one, my the-one.

The heart, in-fact, with mind in its support, still argues that her heart was also like mine, or maybe it still is, and it was just that the odds which were not in our favour, those conditions, not with us, against us.

Maybe her fearful attitude was also justifiable. Our love, it was against the ego and pride of the society, the society which was, as is today, divided across various lines, lines which strongly relate to the accident of birth, the lines, which, in the mind of that very society, are not mere lines, but similar to, what to a theist is, the difference between hell and heaven; the only difference being, to that small-minded society, any one person crossing those social lines will, undoubtedly, lead to the whole of the society being dragged into the hell, and hence, the responsibility of saving the society falls onto that society, rather, especially a chunk of them, by hook or by crook. And sadly, one such society with its hell and heaven concept was at the door of ours, as an unasked compliment to our love. And society, out of its prideful and orthodox nature threw a take it or leave it offer, an ultimatum, it was either our love or the bond with the society, the love was just between two of us, but at stake were our families, and of course, the so called society and its pride.

I was fearless, maybe coz i was selfish, but wasn’t that very society too was, weren’t its wishes were? But…

Okay, okay okay, enough of this hangover of the past, its time to look into and focus on the present, and make the best of whatever of future is left. Yes, this is the time to embrace the present, the present presence of her in front of my eyes.

But, maybe, this wasn’t rethinking, maybe these were those very entangled webs finally being flushed off my brain.

Maybe destiny, at the final points of our journey, when we are to start our retired lives, wants us to meet and be there for each other, love each other, make each other more-complete and witness each other’s senescence.

Anyway, I’ve made my mind, the time maybe has come, for me and her, for us. And for the sake of us, and especially me, I gotta gather all that courage and confidence, all that of it which is left after me and my mind’s mentally exhausting thought war.

But, will her heart still be there for me, which once may or may not have been.

shhhh...

Let me get something for her, before this beautiful times flies away… yeah, those roses, those seem perfect, lemme get one. Ohh these legs, still shaking out of excitement.

I expect the same smile which, after seeing the roses, used to come onto her face in our college days, the smile which may even cheer up the saddest of person.

The shining rose, my desperate-for-her heart and body, for her; And, yea, I am ready…


A cliched romantic ringtone played across the restaurant…

“Yea.. where are you, its been half an hour since I’m waiting for you… babe, if you make it any late, I am leaving, then its gonna be just you and your table reservation, not me..... Bye”

“yea, ofcourse, love you too… “

"Damn, he makes me wait that long… but, for sure, he loves me… 36 long years, still, what a wonderful couple we make…" she said.

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.

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Heyy.. Wait wait wait, just a sec…

First of all, I am really sorry for the delay, was mentally stuck in some tasks and all, can't promise, but, will try my best to post more often... I hope you liked my work, if you did, please do like, comment, and share.

please, do share, it really helps me reach more readers And yea, do subscribe, as well, by leaving your email-id in the subscription box, so that you can be informed about the next writeup. Also, feel free to use that feedback form. Yep, that is it… see you again soon, have a great day.




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Anjana Manoj
Anjana Manoj
08 mar 2021

Well done dev! ❤️

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Devyam Kumar
Devyam Kumar
09 mar 2021
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thanks, yr...❤️

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